TODO EL MAL DEL MUNDO SE ENCIERRA EN UNA SOLA PALABRA…
NO HAY QUE BISCAR MAS LEJOS QUE EN SUS PROPIAS LETRAS:
“VIDA”. LA MIERDA VIDA.
ESA A LA QUE SE NOS OBLIGA LLEGAR SIN SIQUIERA UNO PODER
ESA A LA QUE TINE QUE UNO SEGUIR CON EL RABO ENTRE LAS PIERNAS
COMO UN PERRO CASTIGADO HASTA QUE EL TODOPREPOTENTE BAJE EL DEDO.
ESA A LA QUE UNO VA DIA A DIA Y NOCHE A NOCHE ARRASTRANDO COMO LAS CADENAS MAS GRUESAS QUE HALLA ARRASTRADO EL MAS MALTRATADO ESCLAVO.
O CARGANDO, COMO CRUCES TAN O MAS PESADAS QUE LAS DEL CRISTO CRUCIFICADO.
ESA QUE SUENA AGRIA EN LA BOCA Y SABE PEOR QUE EL ARSENICO.
ESA QUE NO NUTRE NI ALIMENTA.
ESA QUE TE DEJA AMBRIENTO.
ESA QUE TE LEVANTA Y TE TIRA DE UN LADO A OTRO CUAL EL MAS DESPIADADO
ESA ES LA VIDA
Time to Love & Share : Journal
It’s a Saturday in the afternoon and I’d just finished reading “Vivir para contarla”, Live to tell, a very interesting book written by Nobel Price Author Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Something in it made me realize that if I wanted to be a writer the first thing I need to do was to write. Seating in front of a half empty cup of coffee, and thinking of all the ghost of my past that I wanted to exorcise and forever vanquish them I came out with this story, Sad Memories. A short story where I resume my whole life, most of it at least, and where I finally put an end to my agony the agony of breathing and living with my own unsaid words.
Time to Love & Share : Journal
There he is, staring at me from the sliding door, crumpling the newspaper in his hands and in his face a bright smile seems to illuminate the whole room. My son, he seems to like the newspaper, like his dad. He’s less than two years old, then. He likes to play with his toes and calles me “mama”, he sometimes calls me “dadda” too. Now he is three years old and he’s speaking to his father in Spanish, “apaga la luz”, he says to his “dadda” with his tiny husky voice. He falls asleep and he is not afraid sleeping with the lights off like his sisters are. There he is now. He is a tall kid now who loves video games and computer games. He got an Xbox game for his 4th birthday and from now on each yrs. he gets new games, that’s all he wants. This yr. he is going to be 8th yrs old and he wants a Playstation 2 and a PSP game to play with his cousin and his older sisters. They love those games too, however they enjoy more their careokee machine, their Nintendo game cube, and their pokemon cards’ collection. They feel to big for dolls yet they still have some decorating their room and lots of stuff animals.
They are playing in their room right now. I look at them and they look like tweens. They are not. The oldest one is 1 ½ yr older than the other one. But they do look remarkably alike and they are inseparables from each other. I lean by their bedroom door and watch them playing and dancing to the beat of an 80’s song, which is a retro music to them. I stare at my daughters and they look just like when they were younger and I bought them their favorite movie, Mulan. They played the movie over and over. For some reason they loved that movie so much that they stayed still hours and hours watching that movie and day after day they would ask me to let them see it. They also loved Lion King back then, now they rather see Harry Potter, and Pirates of the Caribbean. They are in love with Johnny Dep and Orlando Blum. Soon I’ll be getting ready to make their birthday party, their birthday fall two weeks from each other so I like to celebrate them together. Not sure how
I will do it when it comes to their Quinceañera and Sweet Sixteen. Oh well, I still have one whole yr. to worry about that…
Turning Point (JOURNAL)
At 7:45 p.m. my airplane, coming from Tampa, landed in San Juan, Puerto Rico, I hadn’t have any expectation of seeing a familiar face at the airport. I knew nobody in that town and no one was waiting for me. Once there I went to the car rental to pick up a car I had reserved, a 2002 Chevy Cavalier. I could not afford anything expensive, so I settled for an economic car that could decently drive me around. It reminded me my old ‘93 Chevy Cavalier. A car that had saved my life and somehow turned my life around when I almost died in it in an accident that I can barely remember. I say that that car saved my life, but most of the time I think it destroyed it. My life has never been the same after that accident. I believe my time was up then, but I wasn’t alone. I’m truly grateful no one was badly hurt in that accident. There had been many turning points in my life, and that accident was one of those, maybe the most important one.
I finished signing the papers at the reservation counter, showed them my credit card and followed the clerk’s direction to the car. Once I got there, I placed my luggage in the trunk, started the car, and waited until my husband_ He was traveling along_ got into the car and placed his luggage next to mine. Then we drove to out of San Juan. When we finally reached my in-law’s house located where it seemed to be the tip of a mountain, I was so exhausted I went straight to bed, without calling my sisters or anyone to let them know we arrived. That town were my in-laws live is named San Sebastian, or is it Isabella? I am not sure of the name, maybe is at the border of both towns, but the point is that the next day, on broad daylight, to my surprise I found I like it.
The first day passed by with no major events. We were so exhausted after driving up and down and seeing some shops went bed early. The following day we were fresh and anxious to play tourists and visit some relatives. My husband called my sister after we had breakfast to let her know we were there in Puerto Rico and wanted to visit them. That is when my sister gave him the devastating news that our mother was hospitalized and very, very sick. They were afraid she would not make it. My family had waited until the last minutes to let me know. They were hoping she would get somewhat better and be able to return home. They did not wanted me to be upset and ending up traveling up there for no reason. We all knew she had a terminal cancer, and it was in a very far stage. Yet she was on treatment and we believed she would miraculously recover. I had no idea our mother was that sick, or I didn’t want to believe it.
That evening, when I got to the hospital, she had lost most of her vision and was just getting out of a partial comma. I still think that even on her condition she saw me and recognized me, because she stared to my direction when she heard my voice and pressed her frail fingers over my hands when I grabbed hers and kissed them. I spent few long nights at the hospital with her and somehow all seemed like an endless and sad nightmare. I wasn’t able to sleep; I cried all night praying for God to relieve my mother from her pain. And so he did on his own mysterious way. That week she passed to a better life, at her home and in her bed, surrounded by love and in peace.
I returned to Florida on the following week after the burial. It was another turning point in my life; it made me promise myself that from now on I would spend more time with the people I love and make sure they know my feelings for them. I visited P.R. couple of times since then and I spent some time with my siblings. Right now I’m planning to move there sometime in the future, if that is what God have designed for me. I’m making few plans already, mostly in my head though. But always letting God decide and guide me by the hand on what he thinks it’s best for me and my dear family. And that by itself it’s another turning point.
* It’s being 2 yrs. Since I wrote this and so far I’m still living in Florida. I sold my house. Another turning point. And rented a smaller one near my children school. I do hope one day I get to move for good to my old little town where I grew up. Would that be ever possible?
Only time would tell…(Tuesday, January 31, 2006)
*** Today is Wednesday, January 18, 2012. I’m surprised of my resilience and passion for writing. So I usually tend to go back and revise most of my blogs and writing, just as I’m doing now. So far most of my dreams have taken its course either died or became true. I have visited back home as I wanted several times. But now there is not one single reason for me to ever wanting to move to P.R. Maybe in the future I would explore other places and finally move out of FL. But where to? That’s no something I can tell for sure. I stop fighting destiny long time ago, so the where, the hows and the whens I leave it all to fate, destiny and to God. Well like a friend used to say. Rogering out!