A Woman with Purpose

 

 

There was a time that I was being made fun off. But I’ve being admired too, by the few people who really likes me and respect me for who I really am and they appreciate me and my silly humor and my sarcasm.

At work, and around, some may think I’m antisocial, stock-up or that I think I’m better than others, or that I am odd for keeping a wall from some people, but I’m not like that at all. I am friendly but in my free time, in my own time, I just like to do my own things. If you want to talk come talk to me cause I’m not going to talk to you first unless I really feel like talking and have something to say. Or if I’m in an extremely happy mood, then may be cheerful and perky.

“If you don’t have anything good to say you better shup up!” that’s my motto.

I was called autístic once by a ” friend ” I thought that that was a great offense to the brilliant autistic population.

They are much better than I am. Because they can forgive easily, they forget easily, and they can love you even if you are rude or not the nicest people in the world. I’m not autistic. Nope, and I’m not so kind either. But I’m usually friendly and super talkative.

There are these moments when I need to focus on my work, or my creative path or just chill and daydream. And in those moments I withdraw myself a bit so I can concentrate and finish what I’ve started, so is not an involuntary action. I personally decide to be introverted, isolated in my own world , but only until I want to. Until I need to be quiet no more!.

When I feel offended or hurt by someone, I cant forget easilly. It’s hard and I try but my dilema is will that I explode like a ticking bomb with a specific person and let out my thought and feelings in a loudly rampant manner, or to avoid a fight or drama I will just press my fingernails in the bruised black dot inside the palm of my hands, and bite my lips and tongue, and only speak as polite and calmed as any serious adult would do?  I also grab my laptop, or Ipad and write a blog that only few will read & less will understand, asking themselves, what is this Writer’s point, or what ‘s in it For me? What do I care? Or why should I bother?

But I ask myself,  Do I even need or want to be understood? Probably not. This is my blog. And this is me!

Evelyn Rodriguez

“All I know is that I know myself” E.R.L.


It does hurts that I’ve being criticized and even mocked for being good, transparent, and brutally honest to people around me, but specially for being unique, loud, and eccentric to some point, even for being super lively and a free spirit person. But I’m never ashamed to be trueself with my self expressions, languages, and actions. I am well rounded, grounded, and versatile.

“Like me for whom I am; not for whom you want me to be.” E.R.L.

I don’t regret being true to myself. I do not need nor want to apologize for having always expressed my feelings, my goals, my dreams, passions, and my strongest ideals, without caring who is going to feel better or less than myself for those, or worry about who will want to throw stones at me. And accuse me of things I haven’t done to make me look bad around my circle of people, families. friends, or co workers.

“People can hurt us, but they can’t never kill our soul.” E.R.L.

I do not regret any single of my blogs, my videos in YouTube, my poems and poetry books, nor my posts or my actions online and out side the “web world”. There are people who knows nothing about me, who probably thinks that I’m talking about them, and they may be wrong or may be right, it all depends on who they are and if the shoe fits.

If you are talking crap about me and on my back, and you are not being a true friend to me then this is for you. But if you have being a true friend, loyal, caring, understanding, and have never said bad things about me on my back, nothing big, (cause many people do like to gossip but is not out of meanness or envy, that’s just who they are. The sad thing is that they can hurt you to, even break your heart and not realize what they did.) This post is not for you, I forgive you!

The rest take a chill pill and leave the paranoia. My social media posts are not for anyone in particular. They are for nobody at all.

“Everyone is the owner of their life, their destiny, their thoughts and their fate and I’m responsible for mine and you for yours. So don’t you dare judging me, without getting in my shoes first.” E.R.L.

People just know when someone is real and when not. When they really like you or they just want to use you. Is not easy to tell them apart. But you just need to know your heart and see if you are someone’s good friends and they can trust you and you can trust them, or you are being someone that they will feel threatened and attacked by you and by your bad intentions.

I honestly consider myself a true friend, and great family member. People have always come to me for advises, ideas and many things. I’m a giver who enjoy helping others and seeing people happy. I do not take betrayals well.

I do not take lies and fake people. If you hurt me I will return the favor. That has being my motto and my way of surviving in this world. Thing has not being easy for me. I’m a survivor, of many things. Still I know and feel that my life has being much easier or smoother than for other people and for that I’m very grateful to my late Mother, and to God.

And for that reason I do not to use vengeance on anyone unless I’m really really hurt and I can’t help myself. Then someone will pay me back for my pain or tears. I’ll be pretty rude and merciless. But my anger wont last long. Once we are even, I’ll forgive you.

Some people that don’t know me well, at all, think I’m spoiled, selfish and arrogant. I’m just only proud of who I am, of coming a long way in making myself,  the grown ass adult woman I became.

“It takes lots of courage to learn from your own mistakes and go on with what you have left in you, to build yourself back up.” E.R.L.

“It takes a determination and lot of self love and control to not let people guide you to the wrong direction and to focus on one very important thing, your future.” E.R.L.

What it’s important is what I do with my time going forward, with my life, with the many opportunities God has given me, to better myself, to love myself, to forgive myself, and to lift myself to another level. A place where we all deserve to be.

“This is it. I’m on top of the world. And the rest, the past, is all behind me.” E.R.L.

YES. I’M A BETTER ME NOW!

But not because of what people tell me or want from or of me.

BECAUSE OF MYSELF. And BECAUSE OF GOD!

No one can ever put me down, not even those bullies, that we all know…THE FAKE FRIENDS AREN’T AFFECTING ME ANYMORE.

REMEMBER, ANYTHING YOU DO TO ME WILL BE RETURNED BACK TO YOU 3 TIMES MORE!

THAT’S CALLED KARMA…

 

By Evelyn Rodriguez

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