“I live with no regrets. Unapologetic. And one day at a time.” _Evelyn R.L.
( Poema al Cristo Crucificado; No Me Mueve Mi Dios Para Quererte)
“No me mueve, mi Dios, para quererte
el cielo que me tienes prometido,
ni me mueve el infierno tan temido
para dejar por eso de ofenderte…
Tú me mueves, Señor, muéveme al verte
clavado en una cruz y escarnecido,
muéveme el ver tu cuerpo tan herido,
muévenme tus afrentas y tu muerte.
Muéveme, en fin, tu amor, y en tal manera,
que aunque no hubiera cielo, yo te amara,
y aunque no hubiera infierno, te temiera.
No me tienes que dar [nada, ni golpes] porque te quiera,
pues aunque lo que yo espero no esperara,
lo mismo que te quiero, te quisiera.” _Anonimo 😉
*(Feel free to use a translator to translate this poem avobe)
As I began to write this blog, I wondered why would anyone want to read my blogs? What is it that will finally bring you, readers and followers, to my pages or books? And what can I do better, (besides re-taking English grammar lessons and improving my spelling), to get people to read me and finally see me as a Writer & Author and not just a regular Sales person trying to sell them Articles/ Adds or a Self-Published Poetry books?
I often ask myself that.
Am I able and talented enough to achieve that? (Well, I’m def. a talented story teller and not a square person for sure, as someone once called me.) I’m pretty much out of the box, fierce, and very unapologetic, as the title states. So there is def. a change for you (reader) to find and read some of my blogs, articles, and poems, and even a good chance that YOU will share it in Facebook, Twitter, or Tumbler, etc… (At least I hope you do. Pretty please do share it.) But am I a good enough writer and Poetess, or I’m I just some just Multi-dimention personality type of person with the delusions of a big Best Seller Writer complex. ( My dream was becoming a NY Bestseller Author like Danielle Steel (Answered Prayers) or a great renoun famous writer like Isabel Ayende ( The House of the Spirits Author) or Gabriel Garcia Marquez ( One Hundred Years of Solitud Author) But I’ve hit the roof cradhing my head, and I’ve hit rock bottom and I’m barely crowling out of it now. No more grandious dreams for me. Yet I still have a slight hope that you will fall in love with one of my Poems or my short novels and tell the rest of the world about it, and that maybe one day you scrape enough pennies from your curse jar and use it to buy one of my poetry books or recently published novels. I have few around, they are hard to find. Check out this link to make it easier to find them:
I hope that you will read me and then go tell people about this blogger who calls herself @EvelynBlogger, and loves to write every single thing that comes to her mind from fashion articles, to family activities, movies or places reviews, and lots, lots of poetry, both Spanish and English, and share lots and lots of photos here, on Twitter, and Instagram too. (@Evelynblogger101 in Istagram and @EvelynBlogger in Twitter) Sorry, I tend to overshare. If you are still with me thus far 🙂 please read on…
Part II- Every morning, as the sun penetrates the sheer lime green curtains of my windows, and bathe me with its glistening warm, I hesitantly open my eyes and curse at the sun for waking me up so untimely and begin my wondering. I say to myself,
“I’m awake. I’m alive. I exist! What now? What’s next? Where was I in my writing projects or ideas. What did I left of to complete last night, last month, or maybe last year, in last 15 years to be exact?” I take a deep breath, and sighting I say.
“Is it all worth it? Who will ever read you?
That’s always a hunting question in my mind, will anyone ever read a Novel I write, or a short story? Will I finally have the courage to turn all these scribbles into a book, a novel, or just a poetry booklet to share in open mic. days, with friends and relatives? What will I be sharing with you, my few readers and followers that somehow read me, but rarely comment me, in Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook? These book lovers, who follows me and my random short stories and novellas, will they ever buy my book?
But what if I’m sharing to much, or maybe to little? What if I’m to bold, or to reserved. What things will interest them, hook them to my work? Do the same things I so candidly write about will interest me, if it was the other way around? Will I even click on one of my own titles if I were them? You?
I wander, and wander. How can I get people like me, and read me, and then share my stories with the rest of world? Will you help me do it. Will that ever happen? Will these blog really help me reach my followers, create a following chain of avid lovers aka readers. Maybe yes. Maybe not. I’m leaving it all to fate. If you do happen to enjoy reading me, as much as I hope you do, please check out my book below:
I have so many many questions. Writing has become an obsession. Almost in an Autistic or OCD way. Yet, this is not what I am really writing about on this post. There is more about me and my art. So much more. You may ask, why do I care so much? Well yes, I really care too much! I want to be liked, and admired. Not judged, or ever feel irrelevant. Writing and being appreciated has made me grow as a person. It has passioned me, involved me in a dream of words and letters that wasn’t important for me before.
Fashion and makeup was my passion and main love once. Reading too, but writing was something I only used to do to kill time, but not something I was interested in really sharing or in making it a blog, specially not write a book. Until one day, when I found nonowrimo (www.nanowrimo.com) and the defunct site Script Frenzy, and out of boredom and curiosity I decided to write stories and novels. I decided to give it a shot and discover my own potential. And a miracle happened. I did not won their writing contests. But I met great people who didn’t judge me and were extremely supportive .
So I began to relearn myself through writing. And appreciating myself more for all the many varied things I was able to discover through my writings. I learned that I was stronger and fearless too when it came to share my emotions, and my deepest thoughts.
Like the old adage say , “The pen is mightier than the sword” Yes, words are mightier than the sword. I think bloggers, journalists, writers, and artists, in general, have a bit of need for approval, and some small form of exhibitionism too, if you may.
We are a little bit of attention-addicts, opinionated people, and dreamers, just like I am. Some of us may be gifted, or geniuses turned crazy. Some are a bit crazy turned into geniuses. Or maybe a just a healthy mix of both. I consider myself to be a little bit of both. There is a fine line for everything. So I try to concern myself in being myself, unapologeticaly me! Nothing more, nothing less_and breathe. Namaste!
Most of the time people only get to see half of who I am, unless we are really close friends. Writing help me share with them a bit more about myself. I have created an outer wall, even from the closest people to me. There’s many levels of friendship to me, more than the levels in Scientology, I believe.
And is not that I don’t trust people, is that as a person I can be a bit distant when I don’t know or like someone. Being hurt, turn you into an onion, with many thin or hard layers, all unique, and different, and not always easy to peal. And people may take me as superficial when they don’t know how deep of a person I am. Unless I open up to them and let them in in my life.
But in turn, as a writer I can just be bold, let my walls down, and cloaks fall. I get to express my opinions bluntly and sometimes being brutally honest. It’s a total thrill to me being bold when people don’t expect me to be.
I love sharing my controversial ideals, and my out of the box, points of view. Many people may not agree with me, yet they do like my sincerity and will follow me or form a discussion, a healthy discussion about this or that subject. I respect all ideas and point of views, just don’t insult mine. You won’t like my comebacks.
I hate injustice and bullying. It makes me feel so helpless and hurt when people think they can abuse others, hurt other people’s feelings, and treat others as less. I really hate bullies. Maybe not hate but I dislike them a lot. Greatly!
I was always this sort of person that stepped forward and voiced out my feelings to help someone else. I wanted to be the hero who solved everyone’s problems, and listened to everyone’s issues. I always been unapologetic and fierce. Lately not so much.
I’ve changed, by becoming cynical, distant, and a bit cold and reserved. Those are some of the not so great things I’ve picked up since living in Florida. So many things have changed since I came here. Not the best place to make friends or grow a family. Not a great place to have dreams or follow them. Is just another sink hole by the water. A quick sands kind of place.
I felt my heart sinking as the years passed and there wasn’t a way out of here. Not a way to “go back home” to New York or Puerto Rico. Nothing to do, besides work and probably write some and fatten up.
But when I write, I feel better with myself and my surroundings. I am honest, soft, kind, open, and even fierce again. Overall, people’s opinions are important to me. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it that really matters.
I would usually speak up my mind, when it comes to stand for myself, though I pick my battles. But if I stay quiet when someone offends me, it will still be bothering me later on, and will linger on my pillow at night like a funky smell, with the akin thought that I wasn’t really there for myself, to defend myself. But you can’t just fight everyone or take people to seriously these days. The world is near its end and it’s crazier than ever. So I try to ignite lots of things and lots of stupid people.
Someone once told me, when I first came to Florida, and was all about running my mouth like any regular teenager would do, “Chill-out kiddo, and learn to pick your fights!” and “you carry your heart on on your sleeves. That’s not a good thing…”
So nowI pick my fights more carefully. But I won’t stay quiet when I face or see injustice. I will find a way to speak up even if its by writing and Blogging. That’s just who I am.
And I certainly have no regrets of being Me! I am an Unapologetic Woman. And I’m proud to be that way. And I’m proud to share a bit of myself to those wants to befriend me, follow me, read me, and get to know me and know a little more about me and what moves me in this life.
Besides God, friends, and family, writing moves me, people moves me. You move me! 🙂 Thank you for supporting my writing with likes and comments here, on Facebook, Twitter and so on.
Come back for some more of my stories, blogs, or poems. Thanks again!
Author: Evelyn R. Lallave / @EvelynBlogger