No Regrets by an Unapologetical Woman

“I live with no regrets. Unapologetic. And one day at a time.”  _E.R.L.

Hello World!

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As I write I wonder, why would anyone want to read my blogs? Or what is it that will finally bring them to my pages, or my books? What can I do to get people to read me, and finally see me as a Writer/Author and not just a Sales person.

Am I even interesting enough to achieve that?

I’m not a square person for sure, as someone once called me. I’m totally out of the box, fierce and very unapologetic as my titles “suggests”.  Every morning, as the sun penetrates the sheer lime green curtains of my windows and bathe me with its glistening warm, I hesitantly open my eyes and curse at the sun for waking me up so untimely and begin my wondering.

I say to myself, “I’m awake. I’m alive, so what now?

What’s next? Where was I in my writing projects or ideas. What did I left of to complete last night, last month, or maybe last year, last 10 years to be exact?

Is it all worth it? And who will ever read me?

Will anyone ever read a Novel I wrote, or a short story? Will I finally have the courage to turn all these scribbles into a book, a novel, or just a poetry booklet to share in open mic. days, with friends and relatives? What will I be sharing with my few readers or followers that somehow read me, but rarely comment, in Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook?

Those book lovers, who fallow my random short stories and novels, will they ever buy my book?

And what if I’m sharing to much or maybe to little? What things will interest them, hook them to my work? Do the same things will interest me, if it was the other way around?  Will I even click on one of my own titles if I were them? How can I get people like me and read me, and share my stories with the world?

( By the way check out one of my books at:  http://www.lulu.com/shop/evelyn-lallave-rodriguez/poems-from-a-gypsy-soul/paperback/product-4972893.html ) Also in Amazon.com

I have so many many questions. Writing has become an obsession. Almost in an Autistic or OCD way.  Yet, this is not what I am really writing about on this post. There is more about me and my art. So much more.

You may ask, why do I care so much? Well yes, I really care too much! I want to be liked, and admired. Not judged, or ever feel irrelevant. Writing and being appreciated has made me grow as a person. It has passioned me, involved me in a dream of words and letters that wasn’t important for me before.

Fashion and makeup was my love once, reading too, but writing was something I only used to do to kill time, but not something I was interested in really sharing or in making it a blog, specially not write a book. Until one day, when I found nonowrimo (www.nanowrimo.com) and the defunct site Script Frenzy, and out of boredom and curiosity I decided to write stories and novels.

I decided to give it a shot and discover my own potential. And a miracle happened. I did not won their writing contests. But I met great people who I once probably was judgemental off. I became more confident in my intellectual beauty not just my outer beauty. I began to relearn myself through writing. And appreciating myself more for all the many varied things I was able to discover through my writings. And I learned that I was stronger and fearless too when it came to share my emotions, and my deepest thoughts. Like the old adage say , “The pen is mightier than the sword” Yes, words are mightier than the sword.

I think bloggers, journalists, writers, and artists, in general, have a bit of need for approval, and some small form of exhibitionism too, if you may.

We are a little bit of attention-addicts, opinionated people, and dreamers, just like I am. Some of us may be gifted, or geniuses turned crazy. Some are a bit crazy turned into geniuses. Or maybe a just a healthy mix of both. I consider myself to be a little bit of both.

There is a fine line for everything.

So I try to concern myself in being  myself, unapologeticaly me! Nothing more, nothing less_and breathe. Namaste! ( a yoga reference from a book I’m reading, another thing I’m getting into.)

So you are still reading! I wonder why? But please don’t stop, go on. I know, I overshare. I use the word I a lot, but if that bad habit of mine hasn’t deterred you from getting this far in the reading, please go on, and read it all till the end.

I can be very extroverted when it comes to share things with total strangers, because I don’t care if they will judge me or not. Most of the time they don’t judge, because they don’t care. Most of the time people only get to see half of who I am. Unless we are really  close friends. I have created an outer wall, even from the closest people to me. There’s many levels of friendship to me, more than the levels in Scientology, I believe. Not that I don’t trust people, is that as a person I can be a bit reserved, when I don’t know or like someone. Being hurt by people turn you into an onion, with many thin or hard layers all unique, and different. But in their own way, all the same.

In turn, as a writer I can just be bold, let my walls down and cloaks fall. I get to express my opinions bluntly and sometimes being brutally honest. It’s a total thrill to me being bold when people don’t expect me to be. I love sharing my controversial ideals, and my out of the box, points of view. Many people may not agree with me, yet they do like my sincerity and will follow me or form a discussion, a healthy discussion about this or that subject. I respect all ideas and point of views, just don’t insult mine. You won’t like my comebacks.

I hate injustice. It makes me feel so helpless when people think they can abuse others, hurt others feelings, and treat other people as less. I hate bullies. Maybe not hate but I dislike them a lot. Greatly! I was always this sort of person that stepped forward to voice out my feelings to help someone else.  I wanted to be the hero who solved everyone’s problems, and listened to everyone’s issues. Lately not so much.

I’ve changed, by becoming cynical, distant, cold, bias, and even egotistical. Those are some of the not so great things I’ve picked up since living in Florida. So many things have changed since I came here. Not the best place to live. Not the best place to make friends or grow a family. Not a great place to have dreams or follow them. Is just another sink hole by the water. A quick sands kind of place. I feel my heart sinking in as the year passed and there’s not a way out of here. Not a way to “go back home” to New York or Puerto Rico. Nothing to do with the Republican President, I was Republican once myself, a douche too…

But when I write, I am honest, soft, kind, open, and even fierce again. Overall, people’s opinions are important to me. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it that really matters. I would usually speak up my mind, when it comes to stand for myself, though I pick my battles. If I stay quiet when someone offends me, whenever it’s possible. It may still be bothering me later and will linger on my pillow at night like a funky smell, with the akin thought that I wasn’t really there for myself, to defend myself. But you can’t just fight everyone who’s snippy or nasty with you.

Someone once told me, when I first came to Florida, “chill out kiddo, and learn to pick your fights!” and “you carry your heart on on your sleeves. That’s not a good thing…” Now I pick my fights more carefully. But I won’t stay quiet when I face or see injustice. I will find a way to speak up even if its by writing and Blogging.

That’s just who I am. I certainly have no regrets of being Me! I am an Unapologetic and a Fierce Woman. And I’m proud to be that way. And I’m proud to share a bit of myself to whomever wants to follow me, read me, or get to know me and know a little more about me and what moves me. Besides God, friends and family moves me, people moves me. You move me! 🙂

(Prayer)

“Move me, my God, towards You.
Do not move me
the threads of this world, No!
Move me, bring me to You,
from the depth … “

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Hello World! by E.R.L.

HELLO WORLD!

This is my story;

I am an Amateur Photographer, and Artist and an Author. Yes. I’m a Published Author. My books are in Amazon.com search by my name. But besides that I’m mainly a Blogger, since I can remember, and a jack of all traits. I do Sales Consulting, Collections, Marketing, even Management. But my life is in the letters and the photography. That and journalism, any journalism attracts me a lot. I used to dream of being a Traveling Writer so I could circle the world and write about it, plus write my little poems and stories from exotic and amazing incredible places. But as it is it all stayed in dreams. I have circled the world through my friends and families, maybe I should interview them and beg them to live precariously through their stories and images. Maybe I get my story then. I just love writing, it fills up certain void in my life. It brings me joy.

As a young girl I knew I was an Artist and a Writer. Even by elementary school, I would read tons of books and then write my own ending or my sequels of them. I would not show anyone feeling totally embarrassed and thinking it was something wrong, like plagiarizing or just reading something that wasn’t age appropriate. In school my poems and creative drawings adorned the teacher’s classrooms, and the Principal Hernandez’s (RIP), office. Since I was a very young gifted & hyper child who loved to write and paint, he would encourage me to paint, write, or read to stay out of trouble. He made me promised him to one day become a teacher or a lawyer. I said how bout a writer? He said, “Writer is good, but they don’t make money. You should be a lawyer if you don’t want to be a teacher. But study hard cause to be a lawyer you need to read a lot, and big book.”  That killed it for me. I never liked reading big books. So secretively I settled for Writer. He never knew. The last time he saw me, I had enrolled college as Elementary Teacher, but then changed my major to Computer and Business. He would probably like that too. See, I never met my father, so indirectly he was the father figure I needed.

I can’t say that I turned out to be a great Writer. But I’m happy with what I write and having the world wide web, the social networks, sites like wordpress, where I can share my passion for writing with others that shares the same joy, passion, and love for what they do. I really cherish all of my stories, my poems, drawings, and writings with all my heart.

My stories, poetry, blogs, and my arts and photographs, they mean a great deal to me. So I decided to share my creative work with the world, with the only hope that with you opinions and comments I get to learn more of this tasks and improve myself and my writings everyday. I only wish that I don’t get bullied, mocked, criticized, or called Autistic for my love for the letters and the Arts in general and to be able to morph into a great butterfly coming out of my cocoon with better brighter colors and lots of great artistic works to share with all.

So if you enjoy my blog and stories, Please Re-share it, Like it, Comment on it and Share it with your friends and loved ones, and the friends of your friends, etc. Also #followme here and in #twitter as @EvelynBlogger or in #instagram as @EvesCollection 🙂

Thanks for reading me,

Evie

Loves, and Truly Yours,

Evie

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More About EVELYN LALLAVE :

A self published Author of “Poems From A Gypsy Soul”, a poetry book.
The 2nd Ed. is “Poems from a Gypsy Soul; Healing Time. You can find them in Lulu.com, Amazons.com and Kindle.
http://www.amazon.com/Evelyn-Lallave-Rodriguez/e/B005F5M5EO

….Aside from poetry I am writing few short stories and novels, such as Clair is Not At Home, and Believing in Love at First Sight. There are few recent short stories that I am also working on such The Women By the Sea and The Not So Quiet Woman.

Overall, I’m just a Blogger/Sales Rep. who dreams to be a Best Seller Writer one day…So if you may get the word out about my poems and my short stories I would greatly appreciate it and pls. let me know so I can return the favor.

I know you will enjoy most of my blogs here as I enjoyed writing them and sharing them with you, my new friends. I humbly appreciate you following my work. Also leave your Twitter, Tumbler, Facebook, or Google info in your comments and link to your writings for me to follow you back. I will. 🙂

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